I still don't have anything in the way of movies and literature to talk about, so I will talk more about my inspiration. Despite having a fair share of friends, I was still bullied nearly everywhere I went. I wrote last night about how if my friends were there they did not stick up for me. It is related to what I said about being afraid they would be picked on, too, and I felt deflated. One the only people that ever did try to get it to stop, was my best friend that I had a crush on. She always gave me, advice about how to be more like a regular person and didn't act like Asperger syndrome was fodder for jokes. I always confided in her about that, and the only thing I did wrong was I did it, too, much, because I didn't know when to stop. A year before eighth grade, my worst year in school, a girl I had a crush on but was too nervous to talk to about it, moved, and I didn't see her since. I thought doing the opposite would help me keep her, and it didn't. After I was kicked out of my homeroom because of reacting to being bullied and having friends and a teacher who did nothing about it, I was distraught. Talking to her was the only thing that restored my spirit. It got to the ire of another one of her best friends, who got mad every time I talked to her, and rudely told me to go away. That led to the second time I was expelled from my homeroom that year, when one of her friends, who talked to her more than I did, said insulting things to me, and I threatened her. I was then told I could not talk to her for the rest of the school year. I started calling her every time I had an argument with my parents, or my brother annoyed, I would call her. My family, and her friends repeatedly told me she really like me and was only being nice. I did eventually stop doing a lot of the stupid stuff I did around her, but my crush on her never ended, and we were friends throughout high school. Because she didn't live in my neighborhood, I didn't see her much during summer, and called her every once in a while, but she was never available. I often got in arguments with my parents, especially my mom, who could not see past my crush on her. I continued to try telling them, I just wanted to see how she was doing as my best friend. I was invited to her first wedding but never got my invitation. We were, nonetheless, friends throughout high school, and she was the first person I friended on Facebook. She replied to it instantly and wrote on my wall about how much she missed me and was glad to hear from me. And if she gets married a third time, she will have my blessing. If you want to see the influence of that friendship, you will see it in The Penitent Warrior chapters titled, Jenny Cummings Bane and The Princess and the General.
I did get better about all that as my years in high school progressed. I had friends who continued to give me a hard time about having a crush on her. If they said she was ugly, I knew it was to agitate me, and I got better about not showing it. Aside from that, they at one point tried convincing me she was secretly a junkie, but I knew that was not true. I still think about those moments, but when I do, I remind myself, if it didn't happen, I won't have material for stories.
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